Whether you like it or not, a divorce causes a huge change in your life. It does not matter what type of person you are or whose fault it is, moving forward is always going to be a challenge.
Whilst friends and family may offer support, the reality is that you are often alone in your own head with a wide range of emotions: anger, upset, relief, depression and fear. There is often the feeling of failure as well; as everyone else in life appears to have everything together whilst you do not.
There is, of course, the added strain about worrying about money, children and so on.
I provide legal advice when a relationship breaks down but there are also other support networks such as counselling and family therapy (for more advice, please read the information on the NHS website here).
Here are some points which might be helpful and in an attempt to take matters one step, at what is and always will be, a difficult time:
- We can often be too proud to ask for help but do not be afraid to ask for help – no-one can read your mind.
- Focus on what you do have and can do rather than things you do not have and cannot do.
- Learn patience – nothing is going to resolve itself overnight.
- Be proactive – find courage and strength to sort out your problems. Friends and family will offer support but they often have problems of their own too.
- Perfection is not out there – so do not put yourself under any unrealistic pressure.
- Dropping the children off to see your ex will feel rubbish but learn to use the time alone selfishly – you are entitled to have a life yourself.
- At the same time, you have a responsibility to your children to ensure that they have a loving relationship with both parents. At the end of the day, their lives were changed without their consent.
- Make a list of things that you would like to do or see – and start doing them and ticking them off.
- Stay healthy! Eat well and exercise.
- If you can, find work that engages you and stimulates your mind.
- Stay involved with people and socialise for business and pleasure.
Dig deep and dig deeper – you will be amazed at what you can do and achieve!
Whilst you are alone – you are not because there are many, many people in the same situation. There are professional services but also social media which can offer information and support.
Divorce doesn’t need to be the end: it is a new beginning!