Divorce Day: the aftermath

I appeared on BBC 5Live and BBC Manchester yesterday to discuss what is known as ‘Divorce Day’.

Both radio shows were to discuss marriage and whether or not it is possible to have an ‘amicable divorce’.

So is this possible? I would say, in a lot of cases the answer is ‘yes’ but is very much depends on how parties approach their separation or divorce and what influences them.

Common influencers will be emotion (obviously) but also family/friends and the lawyers they choose to instruct.

My top 5 divorce tips for anyone considering a separation or divorce are:

1. Make sure your marriage is at an end

This might sound obvious but divorce is a serious business and it not to entered into lightly. It is one of the most stressful and upsetting things you could do; and potentially expensive too.

2. Put the children first

Sadly, the children are often pawns in the adult dispute but their welfare needs to be put first and to be always at the forefront of the parties’ minds.

3. Set goals and objectives

For example:

• Organise yourself, collect financial information: be prepared

• What is it that you wish to achieve? Have a focus and be prepared to be flexible

• Learn the meaning of ‘compromise’: this does not always mean settling for less; it can mean being in control of the outcome

• How long is this all going to take? Set yourself timescales and keep to them otherwise matters will drift and this will prove more stressful and expensive

4. Communicate

Without a doubt the most difficult, expensive and stressful cases are when the parties will not or cannot communicate: this is always the common dominator whatever the facts and circumstances. Sometimes, of course, this is not possible particularly where there are safety concerns but for most parties communication is the key to unlocking the family law dispute and to promote a resolution.

5. Don’t go it alone

This can be like running a marathon, so don’t go it alone! You will need support from family and friends; and the others who can help to include a specialist family law solicitor, counsellor, therapist, family mediator, GP etc.. You need to look after yourself too, to include eating and sleeping well.

There is a lot of misguided advice out there about ‘locking horns’, ‘having a fight’ etc. It takes a much stronger character to wish your ex a ‘bright new future’. We all need to move on in positivity.

Yes, there is the need to look at the issues of a family law case properly, to pursue an issue properly and be prepared to argue a point and be successful but there are no winners or losers in this. It is more about protecting your wealth and providing for your, and any children’s, futures.

What most parties are looking for is a fair outcome and a family law solicitor can help navigate through this process. Also, make sure you can work with your solicitor as you will have a relationship for many months; and be candid about who is doing what work and expect frequent cost information; and guidance on how legal costs can actually be saved.

For specialist matrimonial advice from a recommended divorce solicitor email: james.maguire@family-law.co.uk or telephone:

Wilmslow        01625 544650

Knutsford        01565 648228

London            0207 9474219

Manchester     0161 8048441