How coaching can help you through divorce and save you time, money and stress
Coaching can help you move from the story of divorce to the business of divorce, reducing the emotion and negative behaviours so often associated with this most difficult of times.
Coaches partner with legal advisers to provide a holistic service for you, the client, that moves you forward and creates better outcomes for you and your children, if you have any.
The problem for many clients is that they become stuck in the story of divorce, a self-perpetuating storm of emotion and problem-focused thinking that drives them down a rabbit hole.
It has negative effect on their mental and physical health and those of others close to them. It leaves them stuck, making little or no progress with no view of what the future could look like. This then reinforces a sense hopelessness and makes them resistant to new ideas.
It often has the effect of driving people away. As sympathetic as family and friends will be, everyone has their own set of problems and a finite amount of patience and goodwill.
For the listener, and that could be a family law solicitor, family or friend it leaves them overwhelmed and feeling powerless to help. You can then find your support group trying to avoid you.
Coaching can help clients find their FOCUS, a useful acronym that is explained below:
The coach acknowledges and validates the client’s views and emotions while helping them pivot away from problem-focused thinking to a more solutions-focused approach. This keeps them looking forward and focused on what could be and not what it is, or worse, what was.
Getting clients organised covers a multitude of things, from the practical like, finances etc. to the bigger picture stuff. Many tasks can seem overwhelming for a variety of reasons, a good coach will help the client chunk these down into manageable bites to enable forward progress. This kind of information gathering can also support your divorce case and keep the legal costs down.
One of the six common mistakes people make in divorce is to adopt a ‘win-at-all-costs’ mentality. Coaching help the client slow down the emotional response, freeing up the mental and emotional bandwidth to listen and acknowledge another party’s point of view. It can raise their self-awareness of their hot buttons, reducing conflict and improving outcomes for everybody.
Often too much focus on small points can hold up the legal process and lead to a disproportionate hike in legal costs.
This is an important part in that it can help the client understand their own needs and automatic reactions. In addition, it enables them to be curious about other people’s perspectives and how they got to where they are.
Perhaps the most powerful benefit of coaching can be guiding clients away from a victim mentality to one of empowerment. Away from the past and to a future that they believe can be attained and can begin to take steps toward.
When people adopt a victim mentality, everything is about them. Helping them shift perspective from themselves to something bigger, often by re-acquainting them consciously with their values and a renewed sense of purpose.
In summary, a good divorce coach can be a powerful ally, supporting clients through the divorce process effectively and efficiently.
Anthony Taylor is a mental resilience expert and divorce coach. He works with people to emerge stronger, more resilient and with a brighter future. He is passionate about limiting the negative affect divorce can have on children, by supporting the adults. He writes regularly on this topic and more. You can follow him on Facebook, twitter @AntTaylor72 or at his website http://www.anthonytaylorltd.com/